The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Have you ever thought to yourself on a Sunday night or Monday morning, "this week is going to be hell" and then Friday evening rolls around and you find yourself thinking "I'm glad that hellish week is over"? You MUST be psychic!! Nope- False. The only reason your week actually turned out to be hell is because you told yourself it was going to be at the beginning of the week. There was no truth to the statement "this week is going to be hell" until you made it come true. This is an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

Robert Merton, a 20th century sociologist, actually coined the term of self-fulfilling prophecy. In his definition, in the book Social Theory and Social Structure published in 1949, the prophecy or prediction is false but is made true by a person’s actions. In the modern sense the prophecy has neither false nor true value, but is merely a possibility that is made into probability by a person’s unconscious or conscious actions.

I must admit, I am my own victim of the self fulfilling prophecy often times. If I tell myself I am not good enough then I constantly feel that way. Knowing that I can easily succumb to such a phenomenon, I've become more conscious and aware of the messages I am sending myself. Perhaps selfish, but sometimes you just have to focus on yourself before others. I have found that the more I focus on all that I have done, instead of all that I should have or could have done, I am more at peace with myself. I have not "cured" myself-not even close. But I can tell the difference since I have begun listening more closely to my hearts reactions instead of my heads reaction. While definitely grasping the idea of feeding myself good energy helps to expel good energy, I still find myself thinking negative thoughts and then believing them.

Why??

Well, as you know, this life is not meant or designed to go at it alone- we have to coexist with others. The more 'others' there are, the more perceptions and thoughts come into the picture. It is very possible that others' words, actions, thoughts, and perceptions of you lead you into self-fulfilling behaviors. If you're constantly told you're not good enough, or you're stupid, or you're unhappy you begin to take on that role- consciously or unconsciously. It is often the case that we are told that we are "this way" or "that way" by someone who claims they are not "that way". For example, if someone tells you that you are always negative, they are projecting their negative thought onto you and, more often than not, you become more negative, act more negative, or just feel crappy!

Just as other's perceptions of you can affect the way you think about yourself- your perceptions of others can affect the way you relate to them. Your relationships can be affected when you believe that a certain person is incapable or chronically unwilling to meet your expectations. You will proceed to treat that person accordingly, destroying any possibility of a trusting and mutually respectful relationship with him or her. This can happen both on in personal and professional relationships. In either case, the self-fulfilling prophecy causes considerable and often irreparable damage.

The way to prevent self-fulfilling prophesies is simple: don't make any negative predictions at all. Any kind of pre-judgment of events and people (including your self) should be strictly avoided. Easier said than done! I have been working very hard at something I call "notice and ease"- I notice the negative thought, and try to ease myself away from it...and perhaps towards a positive one. It's NOT easy. I repeat it is NOT NOT NOT easy. Sometimes swearing feels so much better.

Something so simple like a thought can have so much power over us. Do what you can to disinfect your own thoughts and try not to get hung up on the thoughts of others- especially when it is negative towards or about you. I have quickly learned that once you have willingly fallen into a certain "category"-even if you don't want to be there or don't believe you belong there- it is very hard not to conform or surrender to it.

I've always been a "hard" type of person- usually getting put into categories I didn't necessary like but accepted because that was "who I was". I've begun to realize that I was letting other's perceptions about me define who I was and how I acted. I will never be that soft, touchy, feely, lovey-dovey person- it doesn't mean I don't love, feel things, or am unhappy. But, being told these things so many times, by myself and others, made me believe that maybe there WAS something wrong with me and maybe these things WERE true. Well, they're not. I know it- and that's all that really matters.

Don't let negativity- whether it be thoughts about yourself, thoughts about others, or judgements of you by others, dictate the day you'll have, the person you are, and the life you live. YOU dictate You.