A Quickie...

This is going to be short and sweet.

If there is one thing I CANNOT stand... I mean the top of the top.... it's FAKE people. We've all come in contact with them- those people who say and act one way in front of you and then different in front of someone else.

Grow up.

Be Real.

Don't Waste My Time.


At first, it's easy to get angry when a person's true colors are realized however, it's equally important to realize that their fake-ness is often the result of their personal struggle with self-confidence, self-identity, self-worth, etc... even so, I say...

Grow Up.

Be Real.

Don't Waste My Time.

End Of Story.

Wisdom From A Pizza Box

When I was in University there was an infamous pizza place at the end of my street called Pizza Express (**moment of silence**). Not only was their pizza, breadsticks, and dipping sauces life-changing (especially at 2am), their drink cups were especially formulated to double as official beer pong cups. Genius. What was more genius, the little bits of wisdom they instilled in the form of pizza box goodies. Often, we would open our pizza box to find tootsie rolls, candies, and sometimes, pizza express condoms. Yes condoms. On the packaging it said "Express Yourself, Don't Expose Yourself".

Now, as far as sex education goes, that is sound advice. But as far as general life advice, I can't completely agree. In life and in relationships, it is critical that we express ourselves to others in order to strengthen ourselves and our relationships. Sometimes in order to express ourselves, we have to expose ourselves. By "expose" I am talking about letting others see the sides of your personality or character that you aren't comfortable showing or sharing personal details that you might not be comfortable sharing. I am always amazed to think that people don't want to "break down" or "come clean" or just completely unload their feelings, fears, and concerns because they are worried that they will look weak or crazy. In actuality, the people who are able to completely expose themselves and "put it all out there" are perhaps the bravest of them all. Maybe for that moment you feel like a cry-baby, a complainer, an idiot, etc... but if you can step back and really think about it, you've stayed true to yourself and maybe brought yourself closer to your own truth and maybe even closer to the person you opened up to. In any case, exposing yourself can be a very difficult thing to do- and a very important one. You will never grow as a person or in a relationship if you can't, every once a while, expose even your deepest or silliest fears, hopes, and dreams. Those who are worthy of your love and time will accept you for who you are and feel privileged to be entrusted with your feelings and thoughts.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Have you ever thought to yourself on a Sunday night or Monday morning, "this week is going to be hell" and then Friday evening rolls around and you find yourself thinking "I'm glad that hellish week is over"? You MUST be psychic!! Nope- False. The only reason your week actually turned out to be hell is because you told yourself it was going to be at the beginning of the week. There was no truth to the statement "this week is going to be hell" until you made it come true. This is an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

Robert Merton, a 20th century sociologist, actually coined the term of self-fulfilling prophecy. In his definition, in the book Social Theory and Social Structure published in 1949, the prophecy or prediction is false but is made true by a person’s actions. In the modern sense the prophecy has neither false nor true value, but is merely a possibility that is made into probability by a person’s unconscious or conscious actions.

I must admit, I am my own victim of the self fulfilling prophecy often times. If I tell myself I am not good enough then I constantly feel that way. Knowing that I can easily succumb to such a phenomenon, I've become more conscious and aware of the messages I am sending myself. Perhaps selfish, but sometimes you just have to focus on yourself before others. I have found that the more I focus on all that I have done, instead of all that I should have or could have done, I am more at peace with myself. I have not "cured" myself-not even close. But I can tell the difference since I have begun listening more closely to my hearts reactions instead of my heads reaction. While definitely grasping the idea of feeding myself good energy helps to expel good energy, I still find myself thinking negative thoughts and then believing them.

Why??

Well, as you know, this life is not meant or designed to go at it alone- we have to coexist with others. The more 'others' there are, the more perceptions and thoughts come into the picture. It is very possible that others' words, actions, thoughts, and perceptions of you lead you into self-fulfilling behaviors. If you're constantly told you're not good enough, or you're stupid, or you're unhappy you begin to take on that role- consciously or unconsciously. It is often the case that we are told that we are "this way" or "that way" by someone who claims they are not "that way". For example, if someone tells you that you are always negative, they are projecting their negative thought onto you and, more often than not, you become more negative, act more negative, or just feel crappy!

Just as other's perceptions of you can affect the way you think about yourself- your perceptions of others can affect the way you relate to them. Your relationships can be affected when you believe that a certain person is incapable or chronically unwilling to meet your expectations. You will proceed to treat that person accordingly, destroying any possibility of a trusting and mutually respectful relationship with him or her. This can happen both on in personal and professional relationships. In either case, the self-fulfilling prophecy causes considerable and often irreparable damage.

The way to prevent self-fulfilling prophesies is simple: don't make any negative predictions at all. Any kind of pre-judgment of events and people (including your self) should be strictly avoided. Easier said than done! I have been working very hard at something I call "notice and ease"- I notice the negative thought, and try to ease myself away from it...and perhaps towards a positive one. It's NOT easy. I repeat it is NOT NOT NOT easy. Sometimes swearing feels so much better.

Something so simple like a thought can have so much power over us. Do what you can to disinfect your own thoughts and try not to get hung up on the thoughts of others- especially when it is negative towards or about you. I have quickly learned that once you have willingly fallen into a certain "category"-even if you don't want to be there or don't believe you belong there- it is very hard not to conform or surrender to it.

I've always been a "hard" type of person- usually getting put into categories I didn't necessary like but accepted because that was "who I was". I've begun to realize that I was letting other's perceptions about me define who I was and how I acted. I will never be that soft, touchy, feely, lovey-dovey person- it doesn't mean I don't love, feel things, or am unhappy. But, being told these things so many times, by myself and others, made me believe that maybe there WAS something wrong with me and maybe these things WERE true. Well, they're not. I know it- and that's all that really matters.

Don't let negativity- whether it be thoughts about yourself, thoughts about others, or judgements of you by others, dictate the day you'll have, the person you are, and the life you live. YOU dictate You.

My Stanley Cup Standouts

The conn smythe is great but I'd like to present my Stanley Cup Awards...

1. The B.A.M.F award goes to...Duncan Keith- because you don't need no teeth

2. The Ivan Drago award goes to....Chris Pronger- because size isn't all that matters

3. The Hottest Loser award goes to....Jeff Carter- because hottness makes you less of a loser

4. The Hottest Winner award goes to...Patrick Sharp- because victoriassecret picked him and so should you (and he's canadian)

5. The Juvie award goes to...Patrick Kane- because being a delinquent only makes you better

6. The Chewbacca Award goes to...Scott Hartnell- because shampoo now comes in vats

7. The Amish-Chops Award goes to....Jonathan Toews- because beards aren't for children

8. The Mr. Non-Congeniality Award goes to...Adam Burish- because losers already feel like idiots (but I still love the guy!)

9. The Beard-Me-Up-Scotty Award goes to....who else- Hartnell-because there are hitchhikers with less impressive foliage

10. The Joe-Dirty-Disappointment award goes to...Daniel Carcillo- because being a jerk makes you a joke



YAY FOR SPORTS!!!!

Slow your role...models.

In a society that worships celebrities, idolizes sports figures, and puts models on an unreachable pedestal, it's not difficult for that famous name to pop into our head when asked the question "who is your role model?" I believe this to be even more true for today's youth. I blame the infiltration of media filth, a lack of discipline, and a lack of family values for this. Oh, and not to mention the tarnishing of the word "model". I think perhaps the only thing worse than having Miley Cyrus as your role model is not having a role model at all....maybe.

The point I'm trying to make is, choose your role models wisely and think thoughtfully about why these people are your role models in the first place. So many times we like what we see in other people based on the perceptions created by the media or simply because of what we actually see when we look at them- are they what you think a beautiful woman or handsome man should look like? This is often enough for someone to be deemed a "role model". Perhaps this is the most important role to you- "being a beautiful woman". If it is, i'd say it's time to slow your role, and find a new model.

You don't have to look too far to find a person who lives their life-not perfectly- but the way in which you believe to be noble and commendable. We should never look for "perfection" nor strive for it. Instead, look to those who's lives perhaps have not been perfect and the way in which they managed to rise above or preserver inspires you.

A personal trainer that I used to work with, Ernie Schramayr (allcanadianfitness.com), recently wrote a tremendous article on role models. Ernie, who himself is a tremendous role model to many of his clients, co-workers, and his family, credits his parents for the important life-lessons he has learned and the way in which he views the world and his work. I think one of the most important things that I took from this article was the fact that although Ernie is a personal trainer and he has made a successful career in that industry, nowhere in the description of his parents do you read "personal trainer"- or anything close. The point is, your role model does not have to be someone who has been successful at the same thing you wish to be. More importantly, the qualities that a good role model possess are applicable to any career or life choice. Check out this fantastic article at:

http://www.fit-pro.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?sid=&nm=Magazine%20Archives&type=Publishing&mod=Publications::Article&mid=8F3A7027421841978F18BE895F87F791&tier=4&id=ADAEB5D057374C1EB5FAF71E17542E58

While it is so important to have great role models it is equally important not to lose yourself in trying to become someone else; instead, take pieces, learn lessons...and apply them to your life.
As much as we should be aware of who and why we idolize someone, put them on a pedestal, or simply respect them, we should also be conscious of whether or not we are making an effort to display the qualities and attitudes we so deeply admire in that person. This is especially important not only because we are taking a positive step towards being the person we want to be but also because, without even knowing it, you could be a role model to someone else.

Maybe George Michael Was On To Something....

When faced with adversity sometimes the easiest option is to quit. Screw the fight and take the flight. Unfortunately, taking this route every time will only lead you miles away from where you want and perhaps ought to be. Even in times when we want to throw in the towel there is often something that keeps us going. That some "thing" is different for everyone. When I am at the peak of a grueling workout and just want to back off or quit, if it's not a trainer encouraging me to keep going it is likely the voice inside of my head saying "one more rep" or "one more minute". I happen to teach many activity classes here at MSU and if you ever walk by the weight room or the gym during one of my weight training classes or general conditioning classes you are likely to hear me yelling "You can do this...don't let yourself quit." I say these things not because I am sure that it will help everyone succeed but because I know that sometimes people lose confidence in their abilities and sell themselves short. I am there to stop them from fleeing and to help them put up a good fight. During stressful work days, sometimes we think... am I ever going to make it through the day? Most often, the answer is yes. Somehow you get through it.

But what about those times when the fight is more like a war and it seems as though nothing will pull you through.

What then?

No amount of encouragement or support seem to make things any easier and nothing you can say to yourself helps you to see the light.

What then?

This is a difficult question to answer but one I think I've gained a little more clarity on in the past year.

The answer is: faith.

Usually the first thing people think about when they hear "faith" is "religion". While used interchangeably, faith and religion are two different things. I have been raised catholic and believe that it has played a role in who I am today but I hold no judgements towards other religions or other viewpoints on the issue. Although I respect my religion and the message of the church, I found myself questioning things more and more as I got older (as we all do). As the number 1 reason the world is at war, I began to question and almost resent religion. Why do people have SUCH strong beliefs- so strong that they dispute any other possibility or explanation? Why is it SUCH a big deal??? I will admit that I became a holiday catholic....one that goes on christmas and easter and for any religious sacraments. I just didn't think I "got it" anymore- the point of it all but I didn't want to give up all together. It wasn't until my grandfather passed away in November of last year that I finally "got it"... and it was crystal clear.

People don't rely on their religion to get them through tough times, they rely on their faith in whatever religious power they choose to believe in. Having faith that there is something bigger than we are- even if we don't fully understand it- can be enough to get us through the deepest tragedies and pain. My grandfather passing away was like losing a piece of me that I would never get back and that left a hole that I didn't know how I would ever fill. I didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act. Nothing made me feel better. Nothing. It wasn't until the day of his funeral when the Priest was giving the eulogy when I looked around at all my family in such pain looking and listening to the priest as if he knew a secret that we all desperately wanted to know. As people nodded their heads and held each other's hands it became clear to me that our faith in the idea that he was still with us but in a better, more peaceful place, was the only thing getting us through this. Later at the burial, the priest removed a small statue of a saint that was part of the coffin and handed it to my grandmother. As she kissed the statue and held it close to her it was clear that her faith was her strength...and it continues to be. I not only learned through observing others, but I truly felt it- "it" being the overwhelming sense of comfort and peace brought to people when they rely on their faith to guide them.

No matter what the situation is, if you don't have faith in something you will likely succumb to anything. I don't believe there is a right religion or a wrong religion and I don't believe you need to have religion...you just gotta have faith.

Judy

I know what you're thinking, 2 blogs in one day...this girl has no life. Not quite true. I do have a life, I just never said it was always so exciting. The truth is, I am sitting here in the lab waiting for a subject and decided to proofread a paper I just wrote. Even though I wrote this paper, it may have been the first time I evaluated it's contents in reference to the world. Yes, i've thought critically about the articles I researched, the results they found, and the subsequent interpretations, but sometimes when you have your "work" hat on you are more occupied with meeting the requirements and making sure it is complete and makes sense rather than actually digesting the message. This particular paper of mine has to do with the role of group exercise on self-efficacy and enjoyment in persons with social physique anxiety (SPA). While this may be of no interest to you- it should be.

We are constantly surrounded by people, and whether we want to admit it or not, many times we are making judgments about others or perceiving others to be doing the same about us. While this may be natural and harmless it can spiral out of control for certain people and debilitate them. The thought that someone might not want to go out, or go do an exercise activity- not because they aren't motivated or because they don't want to work hard- but because they are afraid of what they look like in front of others...that's just preposterous right?! If you think so, then you are lucky. Chances are you haven't let the pressures surrounding us through media and other sources affect how you feel about yourself. I can't say that I am one of these lucky ones. I wouldn't say my entire life, but my entire athletic life (dating back to around 8 years old when things become more competitive) has been centered around comparisons with others. Am I faster than that person? Is she better at my position? Is she more fit than I am? Did I do as well on that test? Nearly two decades of my life have been spent comparing myself with others in achievement domains. While comparison with others has been shown to be an extremely important factor in motivation, like anything, too much is never good- and how you interpret and internalize those comparisons is extremely important. If recognizing that someone just beat you in a race only motivates you to work harder on your speed then comparisons are vital to success. However, if losing in a race translates into you being worthless, lazy, and unmotivated- comparisons can be haunting. I've bordered this fine line all my life when comparing myself to others...often finding myself on the haunting side. While comparing myself with others always motivated me, it deflated me all at the same time. I was never smart enough, never thin enough- never good enough. These are what I like to call toxic thoughts. Unfortunately, there's no magic pill that will help flush them from your system. It takes a conscious effort to shift the meaning you assign to thoughts in order to shift the thoughts in your head and the feelings those thoughts evoke. Some people would be surprised to know this about me because I come off as a fairly confident individual. It has taken a lot of work and self-reflection to help me climb back to the other side of that line. Playing college soccer was the most incredible experience of my life- incredible and incredibly draining, both mentally and physically. It wasn't until I started playing college soccer that I realized how much confidence, body issues, SPA, and other things surround elite athletes. I thought I was the only one. Growing up I was always a good athlete but always felt like I fell short because of one main reason... NOT because I didn't think i was as skilled, definitely NOT because I didn't think I would work the hardest.... but because I was never what I considered to be "thin". Can you imagine that nonsense. THAT single thought was the reason I never thought I was, would be, or could be, or perceived to be by others, as good as other players. I learned in college that these issues aren't uncommon. Playing college soccer is one of the most physically challenging things i've endured because of the intensity of the training and games and also because of the intensity of the schedule. Instead of taking a step back and thinking "wow, look what I am doing" or "look what i've endured" I became more preoccupied with comparing myself with others. I hit the gym....always. I felt immense guilt if I didn't get an extra workout in that day. Worst of all, I became one of those people who exercised because they "had to" and not because they want to. The one thing I never let my comparisons do is stop me from going. Even if I thought every single person in that yoga class was staring at my big butt, I endured the embarrassment and went (but likely set my mat up at the back of the class). Needless to say, this is not the way I wanted to live my life. It's been an uphill battle, with many mudslides setting me back. But I always trudge forward through the mud and the mess. Even though I still place an immense amount of personal pressure on myself (I am working on this) and I am still working on the guilt of missing a workout, I can honestly say that I am at a place where I truly enjoy working out (except running...I still don't enjoy it but every time I lace up my shoes I tell myself- this is the day I might not hate it). I think this is a testament to what can happen when you focus on your strengths and stop mistaking other's strengths for your weaknesses just because you aren't as "strong" in that area.
I have become so invested in not only being a better me, but also in the issues that we all face as a result of an overstimulated, over-polluted world that tells us what we should look like. Unfortunately, most of this pressure is placed on women and what's even worse is women are usually the biggest critics of other women. Writing this paper has reiterated to me just how powerful our mind is and how it can deeply affect our everyday lives. No one should fear doing something good for themselves because of the way they look or the way others around them look. In the same regard, no one should do what they don't want to do simply because it may help them to look like what others look like. You can change the outside all you want, but the thoughts- those toxic thoughts- will always poison your true happiness.

It's so important that these issues be addressed- especially with our young people. A shift in the way we view "beauty" and "health" needs to happen and it starts by accepting yourself and others...as they are.

Unless your name is Judy....don't judge.

My new favorite saying...

Although not as insightful as my previous post (sarcasm), I need to address something that has come up many times in the past months through conversation, email, facebook, etc... that just makes me laugh and has become one of my new favorite expressions. I'm talking about the use of the word "casual"- mainly, "casual drinks". I must admit that I too have used this expression but never really stopped to think about exactly what was meant by "casual drinks". I can barely say it without chuckling to myself. Here's the low-down on "casual drinks"... if you ever ask your friend what's going on this weekend and she/he responds "oh not too much, just gonna hit up a patio for some casual drinks" think twice before you enter into this harmless agreement. Just what are "casual drinks?" What does that mean???!!! Do we wear casual clothes while we drink them?Does sitting on a patio make the drinks casual? Do we engage in light conversation and display laid back body language while we are drinking them? And what might be the opposite? "Formal drinks?" You never hear someone reply "oh we're just gonna go out for some formal drinks". That's just silly.

Just what are "casual drinks??"

I'll tell you what they are.

"Casual drinks" is simply a way of downplaying the nights events because either:

a. you don't want the person you are speaking with to come out that night thus, downplaying the evening by saying "casual drinks" which sounds less exciting.
b. you really don't want things to get out of hand and are setting precedent.
c. you are trying to satisfy both the devil and the angel sitting on your shoulders by saying that things will be casual (angel) when really you have every intent of a wild night (devil).
d. you want to sound respectable and free from blame the next morning when you (and most others) are extremely hungover when your intention really was to have "casual drinks...i swear"
e. "casual drinks" starts to sound a lot more socially acceptable then perhaps the truth of "i'm getting hammered tonight"
f. you are trying to trick someone into joining you under the false pretenses that things will be kept "casual"

Do you have a better grasp on it now? I'm not at all discounting or discrediting the use of such a term... I think it's fantastic!
I just thought it was important to address the situation before more people fell victim to "casual drinks".

Indeed, the term is vague and it's meaning varies, but the way in which you use it can be magical. And if you are really perturbed by the use of this term then you can always throw a pair of khakis and a t-shirt on your drink to make it legitimate and sensible.

Cheers to Casual Drinks!

Are productive distractions in essence, unproductive?

In an effort to keep myself busy during my long hours in the lab (I am currently testing subjects for a thesis experiment) I made a to-do list. As a self-proclaimed "Type-A", the "to-do" list is an intricate part of my genetic make up. To-do lists are like parents... they hold many of the answers and vital information, they provide a sense of comfort, and they are constantly reminding you of what needs to be done. Of top priority on this particular to-do list of mine... "create powerpoint presentation". Of no priority at all on this particular to-do list... "start a blog". Which did I choose to tackle first? I think the answer is quite clear. Then I got to thinking, creative writing is a very good way to exercise the mind, lighten your mood (depending on your topic of choice), and share with others. Productive? I think yes. Far be it for me to deny the public access to my thoughts, opinions and interesting ways of looking at things. If anything I am creating a service to better the people (you're welcome). I can rationalize my choices for hours on end, but no amount will disguise the fact that rationalizations are just a way to satisfy our cognitive dissonances. Even though I know this, my "productive" distractions still seem to provide me with the necessary sense of accomplishment and worth that is needed to get through these mundane hours in the lab. However, the fact still remains that my powerpoint is still idling and the time it took me to create an account, create my page, and write this blog, I most certainly could have spit out a dozen slides. Productive afterall? Perhaps not.

Regretful? Nope.

Stay tuned for my new favorite saying....