To change or not to change? That is the question.
As a recently married woman, i've been asked several times, "Are you going to change your name?" It is a fairly common question that people ask however, if you think about it, how common is it to decipher whether to change your name? I mean, we're not talking about your address, or your hair, i'm talking YOUR NAME. Your name. The name you've been called since birth. In some essence, your identity.
Across religions, across traditions, across the world, there is not one universal way to answer that question. In some cutlures you must change your name, in others, you must not. But what about those of us who are living a culture that affords us the ability to choose?
Not to jump all over the male species, but, this is another reason that makes me believe that men are forever indebted to us. Not only do we grow human beings inside of us and then labour them out (Think about that guys... you may think you have a lot of great qualities but WE GROW HUMANS INSIDE OF US. We win. Eternally.) but we also, in many cases, change our names and take yours. And if that's not bad enough, the icing on the cake is the paper work. What you actually have to go through to legally change your name warrants eternal praise and gifts.
I often say to my husband, can you imagine one day not being Matt McChesney? Is that not weird??! He agrees but I don't think he'll ever get the magnitude of it's strangeness. If the tables were turned, I don't think men would do it.
The reason why I think it is such a bigger decision these days is because we aren't 18 or 20 when we get married today. We aren't going from our parents house to our husbands house and we aren't coming with just a birth certificate and perhaps a drivers license with our name on it. I have lived as a Scorniaenchi for nearly THIRTY YEARS! It is the name on all of my diplomas, I have publications with that name, I have a business under that name, so forgive me if the eagerness to change my name in the name of love isn't up to standard. Since being married I have also had several people say that they cannot believe I am giving up my name. Some reasoning has to do with my very independent nature but some reasoning has to do with the mere fact that Scorniaenchi is the kind of name that sort of defines you. I was Jen Score, Score, Scorniyanks, etc... my whole life and now what? I just won't have that name??? It is SO weird.
I am guessing that by now you have probably come to the conclusion that I am not in favour of changing your name and won't be. Well, you would be wrong. Sort of. I have decided to keep Scorniaenchi for my professional career but over-time, I will, in part, become a McChesney.
Even though the idea of being Jennifer McChesney (how will anyone ever know I am Italian?!?!) still feels very weird to me, the thought of sharing the same name with my kids is enough to make me want to get used to it.. that and the option to hyphenate might be a case for child-abuse. I probably won't get tired of spelling my name out for people but I will certainly miss the intrigue (and panic) that comes over people when they see it and try to say it.
Making the transition isn't easy and won't happen over night. I often repeat my new name to myself and think- who is Jennifer McChesney? I know most people would say... YOU don't change, just your name does. This is true however, I also look at this as an opportunity to re-invent yourself, to a certain degree. When I think of the name McChesney I think of Matt and his family who are so kind, calm, sweet, loving, understanding, smart, relaxed, etc... I can only hope that by adopting their name gives me the chance to be more like that. Who knows, maybe Jennifer McChesney is a way nicer person. Just kidding (sort of).
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